putting the x in christmas

dragging myself out of the house, making every effort to remember that i'm alive. a blur of wet and muddy bike rides on unlit roads in the middle of the night, cigarette breaks out by the airport, awkward naps on bumpy plane rides. being confronted with the evidence of my island life, surgically removing the offending brain cells and moving forward. seeing the romance in desolation and wasted time, feeling the allure of endless avoidance. fleeing the empty house as soon as possible, dreading the cold return and already planning which music to use to fill up the silence.

BUT THEN I REMEMBER THE VAULT RED BLITZ IN THE FRIDGE AND THE NEW SWEATSHIRT, AND ALL IS WELL. maybe i'll go to some sort of a store, throw some money away, watch a movie. take the garbage out, pay some bills, pull myself together.

at least i have a husband.

what does 'snarky' mean?

Well i dont know any divorce lawyers and since you had the marriage thing worked out so brilliantly, i am sure the divorce will also be a breeze for you.

faded names on bruised knuckles

crispy old music to drown out the always-on furnace. i don't even LIKE this band. scary new bike to tempt fate, kill the world's concerns. dissatisfaction is yesterday's headline; we've moved on. today everything is bright and shiny, money is hated and disposable, the cold is welcome, and the bracelets have multiplied. food is for peasants and sleep is for me. once you've got AA batteries and rubber boots, what more is there?

i thought that i saw you try

silly girl. dont put so much effort into being mad at her. when maintenance leaves i will get you a xanax. i decided to stop being mean or mad ever. thats why steve and i fight. everything will be good she doesnt matter much in the grand scheme of things.

2 weeks paid vacation wont heal the damage done

took a break from my life tonight. needed distance. feel better now.

other people have the best advice

all seems kinda stupid to me. you're not even with him. you don't like him so really why should you give a fuck. just tell him....get to filing.

grasping

philly didn't offer anything until he was asked. after that it was all out in the open.

whatever you want baby. whatever you want.

i'm the man next to the man. right next to the man.

you couldn't really tell how much coke he was doing.

only if you saw him shortly after a trip to the bathroom. only then if you were

paying attention you might see him touch his nose a few times.