it breaks

Whatever. Kind of annoyed. Very annoyed? Maybe.

Get over it. Anxiety over the house. Anxiety over relationships, or lack of relationships.

Anxiety over the unknown. Is it better to not even bother with such things?

I am beginning to think so. Don’t push things any further, however innocent it might seem at the time. Don’t get caught up in the moment, and don’t hang on to things.

When you know the period is coming at the end of a sentence, right? Just fucking stop.

I am doing better these days, but not quite there yet. Especially when it comes to attachment issues with other people. Let it go.

Was I looking out for myself? To some degree I was, but not as much as I should.

Stick to the master plan, if I have a not so good feeling about something just say no.

If a situation seems sketchy I must remove myself from it. It’s okay to be intrigued but don’t take it to the next level. Listen to the voice saying this isn’t the best idea for me right now, I am only doing this to please someone else. Only doing what I am doing because it’s someone else’s plan. Just because someone else is okay with something doesn’t mean that I have to go along with it.

If I can recognize disaster before things build up then I have to disassociate myself from it. Things don’t just end up terrible and unmanageable. They get that way over some time, over a series of decisions. Then you are crying, freaking out, feeling really shitty.

I really believe there is a way to prevent all of that. Damage control. Attracted to someone who is bad for you? That’s okay, just don’t get super involved. Walk away.

Easier said than done. How do you stop caring? You have to start caring about yourself enough to do what is healthy for you. Again, don’t do things because it’s what someone else wants. Maybe when you start caring about yourself you can stop caring so much about other people. Other people who are not thinking about what is best for you.

Abowitz is a perfect example. A lot of the self destructive things I have done began with him asking me to hang out with the team. And a lot of the things I have been very upset over were things that he had a hand in. Things that perhaps would not have happened if he truly cared (or knew how to care) about me.

Realize/recognize when other people don’t know or aren’t thinking about my health. Then step in and make the healthy decision. Don’t leave it up to people who cannot do it.

It’s like handing over the keys to someone who can’t drive, and asking them to take you somewhere. It might be a bumpy road. You might not get there. You might end up somewhere that you had no intention of going. You’re stuck with the original problem of needing to get to the original destination, only now it’s even harder. Drive your own car.

Get your own directions, print your own map from mapquest. Put gas in the car and be as prepared as possible. And if you need help, ask someone who knows how to drive.

Remember this. Make your own decisions as though no one else were involved. What would you do if it was up to you and only you? What is in your power and what isn’t?

You aren’t going to control other people. You can’t make someone like you. Like yourself.